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It is dazzling and shocking. Freedom is neither pure nor purely good.
Clear agreements around the actions we take create the safety that allows intimacy to flourish. As any pundit will tell you, so is politics.
Masculine sexuality is pre-programmed to be allured to variety and to youth. As such, sex allows us to feel parts of ourselves that remain otherwise unfelt and simmering. What feels titillating to men will often seem terrifying to women on a visceral level, often calling up memories of abuse or experience of deep unsafety. Second, in porn, funny hook up pictures the pleasure of the woman is almost always subordinate to the visual completion of the man.
My guess is that she has had disappointing experiences with a man around this issue in the past, which is why it hangs as such a red flag in her vision. And we are each stumbling our way toward self-understanding. If we, as men and women, are to support each other and help each other self-express and evolve into more aware, considerate, loving beings, it begins with empathy. As any therapist will tell you, so is the human heart and all its hurts. That said, there remains lots of porn that makes so many women rightfully queasy, and I believe that men need to be sensitive to this.
Stick with positive messaging. Repressed joy will express as demonic screams escaping from hidden cells. Within the context of intimacy, clear, mutually-agreed upon boundaries on actions actually promotes a whole new realm of freedom. Sexuality is not monochrome. In the absence of that victory, a strip club or a porn video will provide the rush of endorphins and serotonin that makes him feel a bit better about himself for a while.
It gives us the mojo to do anything at all, really. Women often remind men that actions speak louder than words.
Old pains will be triggered and fury, regret, revenge and fear will express itself in pounding fists and wild words, biting teeth and thrashing. As any art lover will tell you, so is Picasso.
But as any theater-goer will attest, so is Shakespeare. That is a male fantasy by the way. Yes, men are more visual than women when it comes to sexuality.
And, just as in days of old, men throw money as an offering of gratitude and worship. As Jung said, that which gets repressed, will be expressed. It carries dangers and will often leave feelings hurt and the status-quo threatened. But sex is, definitely, messy.
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